What Teachers Say vs What Teachers Mean
Oh what a different world the classroom would be if teachers didn’t have to bite back on what they were thinking. But school’s out so just like the class hamster, it’s time to let the truth out the cage, and we don’t care who it bites.
1. “It’s your own time you’re wasting.”
Actually, it’s 3pm on Friday, it feels like large parts of my life and time that could be spent in a pub you’re wasting.
2. “We’re going to have some quiet time.”
Because I’m starting to lose it and it will be safer for all concerned if nobody speaks for a while.
3. “Well thank you, I’ll save it to have with my lunch.”
Considering how much time you spend with your finger up your nose, I’m going to throw this out the window as soon as you leave the room.
4. “That is your LAST warning.”
I’m raising my voice and looking stern because I have absolutely nothing to back this up with.
5. “Pass all of your worksheets to the front.”
Or turn them into paper planes and throw them out the window. Thanks to the new curriculum I don’t have time to mark them anyway.
6. “We have a special visitor today…”
I’m being assessed so can we please get through one lesson without me wanting to go all Voldemort on you.
7. “I’ve extended the assignment deadline as some of you need a little more time.”
While you all wonder who, I shall be clawing back a couple of evenings to decorate the spare room.
8. “We have a new student joining us today so please say “Hello” to Stacey.”
Because of her, I’m going to have to completely redo all my lists and schedules as my OCD insists they’re alphabetical rather than simply adding her to the bottom of the list.
9. “Biting is never ok!”
This is a staff meeting, but If I’m forced to take sides we all know the PE department could kick geography’s ass any day of the week!
10. “No that’s fine, I’ll get it done today.”
My work load is just so empty (I even jokingly made lunch today like I would have time to eat it), I’d be happy to cover yet more of your work as you’re leaving early to go to Paris for the weekend. I’m not jealous and I don’t hate you.
11. “…but I’ve got so much marking I need to be doing.”
Even that would be preferable to attending yet another pointless staff meeting where the same three people will raise exactly the same issues as they did at every other staff meeting since time began.
12. “You can be anything you want if you try hard enough. “
Except Susie, I heard you in the choir and you will never be the next Adele. I’m sorry.
13. “It’s not about the money.”
I get paid sod all for putting in more hours than the Prime Minister!
14. “I find working with infants really rewarding.”
Although I had no idea the job would mean spending quite so much time covered in so many different bodily fluids and excretions.
15. “Despite the hardships, I still think teaching is genuinely rewarding.”
I’m one of those who got into it for the holidays, there still aren’t enough holidays and now I’m trapped!
16. “I’m going to miss Zayden next year.”
But I’m sure I’ll be seeing him on Crimewatch in the future.
17. “I sometimes wish I had a whole class of Tabitha’s”
If I’m honest most of the time I forget your daughter’s name but that’s probably because I so rarely have to shout it across the classroom unlike most of her classmates.
18. “Josh is incredibly enthusiastic.”
But as academically adept as chocolate cake.
19. “Have there been any changes at home?”
Because Bethan has started biting all her friends in class. As well as the class hamster, head mistress and me!